SibTears

My normal teenage life changed in the blink of an eye on January 27th, 2010 as also did my families. It just became our new normal. I was sitting in study skills when my teacher laid a pass on my desk. It said I was to get all my things because I was leaving. I didn’t really think that I was leaving to go to Riley Children’s Hospital. I knew Evan was getting some tests done, but I never thought Riley would be my second home. My aunt picked me up and we were on our way up to Riley. She explained to me that my parents wanted me to come to Riley to be with the family while Evan was getting some important test done. Cancer never came to my mind. We arrived at the Outpatient Center at Riley. We went upstairs to what looked like a doctor’s office. My mom met my aunt and I in the waiting area. We followed her back to Evan’s room. We walked into Evan’s room. I looked over at him. He was lying in a hospital bed and I knew it had been a very long day for him. He was hooked up to an IV that was giving him some medicines to help ease the pain he was undergoing. To see Evan with an IV in his arm was hard for me to take in. I had no idea what the next nine months of my life would be like.

I wasn’t in Evan’s room very long when I noticed my mom was nowhere to be found. My dad came over to me and told me that they wanted to talk to me. So I followed my dad into a little room where I saw my mom sitting down crying. I knew something was wrong. I then began to ask what is going on. Why are you crying? My dad leaned over and grabbed my hand. My mom began to say something, but she couldn’t get it out what she wanted to tell me. She finally gathered her thoughts and said, “Claire… Evan has leukemia, but it is curable.” I started denying it. I thought to myself how can my brother have cancer… he is an amazing athlete, scholar, and brother.

My life flashed before my eyes. Hearing my mom say Evan’s name in relation to cancer was something I never thought I would hear. I just remember walking back into Evan’s room balling. When I made eye contact with Evan I began to think I was in a dream, but I soon realized this was reality. Evan rose up his arm with the IV and he motioned me over to his bedside. When I got there I grabbed his hand. He reached his arms out and all I could do was fall into his arms. We were both crying. The hug seemed like it was forever long, but in reality it was probably not even a minute. He said, “Claire… I am not going anywhere! I will stay strong. I love you.” From that moment on it was never about me anymore. It was about being there to support my brother. Evan and I have always been the best of friends. YES we fight like every other siblings, but we have realized that fighting doesn’t solve anything. You never know… one day your sibling can be perfectly fine, but the next day they are fighting for their life

He was placed on a breathing tube that breathed for him. The sedated coma that he was placed on was probably the best thing for him at the time, but it was hard not talking to him for thirty six days. There were things that I would have normally shared with Evan, but instead I kept things to myself. It was time for me to plan my classes for high school and Evan always told me he would help me plan them, but I was unable to have his assistance because he was unable to talk. At the time when Evan was in ICU I didn’t realize how bad he truly was. I knew he was fighting for his life but I didn’t realize that he could be gone at any second. The doctors never talked in days they never talked in hours they always talked in minutes because they didn’t know if he would make it through those rough times.

Alright raise your hands if you have ever seen a really creepy Halloween mask? Well looking at Evan in ICU was like looking at a creepy Halloween mask. His eyes turned inside out and his face was very swollen. But something that was hard was seeing Evan on a ventilator that was breathing for him. Knowing I might not ever be able to talk to my brother again was very hard. There were times when I just wanted to tell my brother I loved him and he would tell me he loved me, but there was no possible way. There were days when I would go to school and be taken half way out of first period because my family didn’t know how much longer Evan would be with us. So I know all siblings and family members fight, but you never know when you will be put in the situation I was. Stay as close as you can to them because things can change very quickly. There were many times when I would be sitting at school hoping that Evan wouldn’t be taken away.

Something that cancer can’t take away from me is this… My parents and I were sitting in Evan’s room, and Evan kept putting his hands up. Earlier that day the nurses had to strap his hands to the sides of his bed because he was trying to pull his breathing tube out. So my mom was like “Evan you need to put your hands down, you don’t want us strapping your hands down to the bed again do ya?” Evan began to cry. And he slowly raised his hands up. My mom said “Do you want a hug?”, and he shook his head yes. So my mom said “Do you want one from dad?”, and he shook his head very slowly from left to right answering no. She said “Do you want a hug from me?”, and he again shook his head and answered with a no. She said “Do you want a hug from your sister?’, and he then began to move his head up and down answering yes. We all began to ball. So I went to Evan’s bedside and leaned over the bed rail and gave him a hug. I looked up at his face and noticed his lips were moving. Keep in mind he still had his ventilator in so we couldn’t quite make out what he was trying to say to me, but to this day I wish I knew what he was saying to me because I am sure I would forever hold those words in my heart.

My journey alongside Evan while he battled leukemia was very hard. I never thought my brother would have to go through something like cancer, but it has made us who we are today. Evan isn’t just my brother… he is my hero. He is more than my hero … he is my best friend. Now my brother is a cancer survivor and is back to living his normal teenage life.

- Submitted October 2011